S1 E11 - Underage and Unsupervised

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Judy, I never considered ourselves big drinkers or parties back in high school. But now when we're looking back on stuff, it's kind of like, hmm, we did a little bit of drinking, we did a little bit of partying, and we've got some kind of crazy stories.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Yeah, and one thing that's kind of interesting about that is I also would say we weren't big partiers, big drinkers. But in North Dakota, you also didn't have access to a lot of other things, and certainly not access to things that people have access to today, which thank goodness. But it was almost a game to see who could get away with the most. And for some reason, and for some crazy reason, we thought looking older was a compliment and a ticket to paradise.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

We've got a couple of stories where when we made ourselves look a little bit older, we were able to pull off some stuff. But Judy, I agree. Back in the day, you wanted to hang out, you wanted to go out and do stuff, and then guess what? Almost every scenario like that had alcohol or not a lot of drugs, but you know, mostly alcohol. So again, not a lot of drinking, not a lot of partying. But when we did it, I think we kind of came off the rails a little bit. A couple of the stories are a little bit crazy. And I'm gonna start. I've got one that, if you remember, I worked at Jerry's Standard, which is the gas station. We've referenced that in earlier podcasts. What happened? Poor Jerry.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Poor Jerry.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

The gas, Judy, the gas station I got fired from. I'm working at Jerry Standard. It's a Friday. I want to go get some alcohol. I thought that to make me look older, that you know, that would put me in a position where I could buy some alcohol. Well, I'm at the gas station doing oil changes, doing pumping gas and cleaning windows and all that kind of stuff. And I've got the real nice Jerry Standard shirt on. Makes me look maybe not 17, maybe it makes me look 18 or 19. Well, my thought was, hey, let me rub some oil, some grease on my face, and just make it look like I've been under the car all day, working hard. Not just doing oil changes. I'm doing something big, like maybe a transmission or something I I don't can tell my my car knowledge is zero. Well, and again, the rule, don't let them near your car. There's a rule about that. So I got all the oil on, I got, you know, the grease on my face. It's been a hot, sweaty, long day. I think it's summertime. And I drive over to a liquor store that's over, kind of just past the fairgrounds a little bit, and I go in there and I buy booze. And guess what, Judy? It worked. It worked. I got away with it. I bought booze. I get up to the counter, the guy rings me up, didn't ask for an ID. Looks like I'm, you know, just been an automotive, you know, animal all day working on cars, and now I'm just rewarding myself with a little bit of alcohol. And he said, Have a good day. And I did the you betcha. And well, Judy, the back end of the story didn't go well. I got in trouble, and somehow it came back to dad that I got that I was the one that showed up with booze. So dad's grilling me. And again, dad's a detective, mine up police department, captain, lie detector, police hypnotist. He's got everything going. I've got nothing going. So when dad starts playing good and bad cop to me at the same time, I gotta confess. And one point he's like, So where'd you get the booze? What tell me where you got it? And I folded like a cheap tent, like a cheap suit, Judy. I was like, I went and drove to the liquor store. And dad's like, oh, they they let you buy booze? And I'm like, yeah. And uh and he's like, What liquor store? And then all of a sudden I kind of started seeing where this was going. And and not a not a good place. So anyway, this all ends, Judy, with me having to go down to the mine up police department and giving a statement and signing an affidavit that I bought booze from this liquor store. So, you know, we've talked about a couple of other scenarios out there where I did that undercover sting thing for Applebee's, and I referenced that, hey, usually I'm the person that's getting stung by the sting. And uh, you know, this is a scenario now because I got in trouble buying booze underage at this liquor store. Now, this liquor store, and I don't know ever, whatever happened if they actually got their hands slapped. But again, Judy, how many 17-year-olds are sitting in the mine of police department giving a written statement? Yeah, I bought booze last night.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Singing like a bird. Yeah, singing like a bird. Yeah, and you know, it's funny because I think people probably wouldn't be surprised if there was a picture of you and it says, anything that you see this guy coming, shutter your businesses, shutter your homes, because something bad is gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Judy, when I'm coming to town, the hurricane warnings go out. There's totally there's a storm coming and it's Donnie and it does not have a good ending most of the time.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

I also had a fascination with trying to buy alcohol under age. And by the way, we do not condone any of this behavior, we do not advocate it. It's a warning, don't try this at home. We were just a bunch of idiots at the time.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

By the way, we're still idiots. We're just we're adult idiots.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

I was 13, which you're like, oh my god, she's 13. What did she do at 13? But I will say, at 13, I was a freshman in high school, and I actually thought that I looked much older. And I had longer hair than I actually had curly hair. Wasn't quite Kate Jackson hair, but it was kind of curly. But anyway, I thought if I get all gussied up and I make myself look super sophisticated, and I'm putting lipstick on so pretty, you know what I mean? And then I had this suit that I got, this like cool little outfit that I got. I don't even know where I got it, but I also had these long, long boots that were just under my knees. They zipped up on the side. I'm like, I'm gonna put those on and I'm gonna go try to make the liquor store. Well, I'm like, let's go, let me go try and make a liquor store. That happened to be one of the ones that my friend Candy's dad owned. I'm like, I know, stupid, stupid, stupid. So anyway, I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go to that liquor store. I'm gonna try. And then because I'm so sophisticated, I have all this lipstick, the car's running outside waiting for my big purchase. I put my three bottles of TJ Swan.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

I put my I know nothing.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

That brings that brings back memories.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

It does, but hello, it screams, underage idiot. So anyway, I get these three, three bottles of TJ Swan on the counter, and uh, I'm looking at the guy, and he's looking at me and just like staring at me, like like you jackass. So anyway, I'm sitting there, I'm like, well, hmm. So let me get some gum. I see some gum over there. I start adding some packs of gum to the counter, thinking that will do it. So then he looks and he says, ID, please. And I'm like, you know what? Uh, you know, I don't think I have it on me. I think I'm gonna have to go out to hello, everybody says this. So then I go running and I go running in my fancy boots and I run in the car, drive, drive, I got nothing. So anyway, I got denied. I didn't get anything. The getaway car. Yeah, totally. But that wasn't the end of the story. I thought, okay, this was my big attempt. I failed, even though I thought I looked like I was at least 25. I go to our mom and dad had a store at the time. I go to the store the next day, and dad says, Well, what were you doing last night? And I know you referenced that he was bad cop, bad cop. It is like bad cop, bad cop, bad cop. Everybody's like, so I got a call from so-and-so, uh, who owns a slicker store, and he said, You would not believe what happened. Your daughter came in here and she was all gussied up and all dressed up with these boots, he's describing my outfit to a T and say, Hey, she was trying to buy booze. So then I got the infamous damn it, uh, you're grounded. So I got busted the first time I ever tried to go buy booze at age 13.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

We got busted a lot. And if it wasn't somebody tattling on us from the outside, it was just our own internal doings, or it was showing up at the house. There's a thing that I like to talk about called glow and sniff. And the glow is, Judy, when we got home on a Friday or Saturday night, and we had an early curfew, we've talked about that. We had an 11 o'clock curfew. Well, a lot of the times when we came home, or if we were late and we'd show up, all the lights would be off in the house, but you'd see the glow in the front window. And it was the glow of the cherry of the cigarette that dad was smoking. You knew that meant he was sitting there in the dark. Yes, in the dark. And he's waiting to go to bed. He's waiting for us to get home. But he's also kind of waiting to be the bad cop and bust us, and that gets to the second part of the glow and sniff. The sniff was the sniff test. And I hated that. I don't like anybody being in my face anyway. To this day, get out of my face. You're too close. Dad would get right up in my face and say, Let me smell your breath. And Judy, we weren't allowed back in the day to have one beer. You know, nothing. We had a lot of friends that we could go out if as long as they were responsible. It was kind of weird that, you know, maybe their parents let them get away with it. Or we had a couple of friends where if the kids stayed at home, the parents sometimes would buy them some beer or let them drink a little bit of alcohol if they stayed home and were responsible. That was not us. I think I might remember one New Year's Eve where mom or dad said, Hey, do you want a sip of this champagne? And it was literally, you got to snip it and sip just a tiny bit. Also, just because of his job, right? He couldn't do that. Did you ever get threatened with the lie detector? I did get threatened with the lie detector. The lie detector was literally in the room next to my room, so it wasn't a long trek. I mean, it wasn't like, hey, let's go down to the police station and take the lie detector. It's let's go pop into the spare bedroom and get you hooked up to this machine. Honestly, in all the years that the lie detector was in our house, and all the years that I was bad and sometimes lying, I never, despite getting threatened to get hooked up to it, he never actually went through with it. That's kind of one little saving grace about the lie detector is it was a warning and it was a threat. It was always there. But it was kind of like, you know, I think that maybe, I don't know, maybe dad would have gotten in trouble if all of a sudden it, you know, the police found out that, oh, he's hooking up, he's hooking up the kids.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

I remember him threatening that too, what'd you do tonight? Blah, blah, blah, where were you, well, let's go next to the next room and I'll hook you up to the lie detector. Nobody wanted to have that. And I I remember saying, that's not fair. Nobody else's dad gets to run a lie detector. That's not even a fair playing field.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

To your point, the lie detector was a tool that dad used to kind of threaten us or manage us, I guess, if you will. And again, it was just a scary thing to have in the room. But back to the sniff thing, real quick. I gotta tell you one scenario where I thought I beat the sniff test or I thought I was getting away with it. And it was a Friday night. I'm out, again, the 10 or 11 o'clock curfew, and I'm running home from, I don't know, some other part of town. That was kind of the way I would kind of not sober up, but kind of clean up and clear up. And if I smelled like smoke or smell like booze, I thought if I did that mile and a half jog home, that would get rid of whatever bad element that I had going on. I get home on a Friday night. I'm actually early. It's like 10:30. And I'm thinking, okay, this is a good thing. Donnie's coming home early. Next good thing is nobody's at home. I come in the house, everybody's gone. Mom and dad are gone. You were out with mom and dad. And I think you guys ended up going to like Dairy Queen or something on a Friday night, late at night, like nine or 10 o'clock, and we're just hanging out. Well, I get home at 10:30 that night, a little bit tipsy, and again I had jogged home from a party, and I'm like, oh my God, I'm golden. I am golden. There's no snip test. There's no snip test tonight. I'm getting away with it. So, Judy, what do I do? And this is probably my fatal mistake. What do I do? I go to bed. You think going to bed might be a good thing? Not in our house. If you go to bed early, that's a warning sign. So what happened is I go to bed, and again, a little bit tipsy, I probably like immediately pass out or fall asleep. Well, 20 minutes later, you guys all come home, and I hear from the top of the stairs, you know, mom, Donnie, Donnie, are you home? And I'm like, oh groggy. And then I heard mom saying, Don, go check on Donnie. And I'm like, uh oh. So I have to pop out of bed downstairs. And I'm like, uh, okay, this is this is now this area that I didn't want this to get into. Dad's coming down to check on me. And he's probably wondering why Donnie's in bed. Well, I jump out of bed, and I kind of meet him at the door, and he's like, So, uh, when'd you get home? And I'm like, uh, half hour ago, and blah, blah, blah. And he goes, You're in bed early. And I'm like, uh, yeah, I was tired. And he's like, You've been drinking? That was dad's that was dad's thing. Did you drink anything tonight? You know, right away, no. Are you sure? I'm Yeah, I'm sure. Let me smell your breath. And apparently, I still had the smell of beer or alcohol, and it was beer back in the day, but I still had that on my breath immediately, immediately got grounded. So here's a scenario, Judy. Jog home, clear out, clean up, get home. Nobody's home, no sniff test. Donnie's gonna be golden. No, no, no, there's uh, you know, the back end of that, you know, didn't end well.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Yeah, that glow and sniff was very real, and the glow was a thing. I remember coming home one time and I had to do the sniff test too. And then our mom's like, Where were you tonight? And I'm like, uh, you know, just driving around, whatever. And she's like, uh, did you go to the liquor store? And I no. She's like, You weren't at the liquor store. She goes, somebody called and said they saw you at the liquor store. And I'm like, uh I wasn't at the liquor store. I was not at the liquor store. Anyway, she had me convinced that I was at a liquor store that I actually wasn't on. So I confessed to something that I didn't even do, and I get grounded. True story, wasn't at a liquor store, but ended up believing that I was there. She should have been one of those people that, you know, would interrogate spies or something because she did a great job. It's easier to say, yeah, I did it.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

I did it, even though you had nothing to do with it. How crazy. Hey, uh, real quick, I want to do one quick fast forward off this because everybody's gonna think mom and dad were super strict with us on drinking and all that kind of stuff. And they were. We've talked about it and we've still got a couple more stories to go. Judy, do you remember later when we lived on our own, we would get care packages from our mom and dad? Yes. And the care packages, if they mailed them, would contain cigarettes. Yes. So mom and dad, my mom, I've been to living in Minneapolis and I'd get a care package in the mail, and there'd be a carton of cigarettes. And I'm like, wow, when did mom and dad get super cool? And then they didn't mail it, but when they delivered the care package, and again, I was still underage, drinking's 21, but when they delivered the care package, she thought it was a cool thing that maybe I can get Donnie into drinking some vine. And so she would bring me a couple of bottles of wine. Again, I'm living in Gillette, Wyoming at the time. First job in radio, 19 years old, and I'm drinking on a Friday night wine that was delivered to me by mom and dad. But those care packages were amazing because they had food in them, they had snacks in them, they'd have a couple of little lifeline things in them, maybe a $20 bill, but yes, like you won something.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

They would come when I moved to Bismarck, and I know I mentioned that I moved out right after I turned 17. They would bring me like four cartons of cigarettes, fill up my freezer with cigarettes, which was really nice. Cigarettes and ribeye steaks is what I would get. Ribbeye steaks. Now the wine, you know, I think you went to Minneapolis, so I'm like, You're not getting that, or Gillette. But I would get ribeye steaks and and not one, like I said, it was like four cartons of cigarettes. It was crazy. And it's weird that she would bring you wine. I wanted Wow, obvious with the mug there, but um, okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

So hey, we've got merch, you know, just saying.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

It's crazy that with the wine because both our parents barely drank. It was a little weird that they brought you the wine. One thing that I will say, so going back to this obsession about being underage, and sometimes it was almost a game to see what you could get and get away with. So right after I moved to Bismarck, right around the corner from the place that I lived at that old governor's mansion type place, there was a liquor store. Across from the liquor store was a cop car watching to see who was going in the liquor store. That was a big thing for police in the 70s and in North Dakota. There's not a lot of crime. So they're scoping out who is going into the liquor store, but I will not be deterred. So I go into the liquor store and I said to the guy, hey, FYI, you got a cop out there looking to see everybody who's coming in here. So you probably should be checking IDs. Make sure you check everybody's IDs. So I grabbed my six pack of beer, I go up to the counter, pay, and I leave the store. He said, Thanks for the heads up, too.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

And didn't ID you?

SPEAKER_01 17:09

No, did not ID me because I gave my heads up. So, yeah, isn't that nuts?

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Bonnie, that's something again that you would see in the movie about the criminals outsmarting the cops by letting them know that they know that something's going on.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

Bismarck was really interesting, and it I don't think I ever really was super laser focused on underage drinking until I moved out. And again, I know I mentioned before that I had a curfew. They thought they could give me a curfew, our parents, when I moved out, which was weird. Like, hey, you're gonna be home at midnight or whatever. That's a long leash. It's a really long leash. Anyway, I'm trying to get into another bar down there, and I had a fake idea. But the guy says to me, the bouncer out front, he's like, Normally I'd let you in here. He goes, But half of the Bismarck Police Department's out here tonight, and uh they're in the bar. And I'm like, Oh, I said, Well, I said my dad works for the Bismarck Police Department, which wasn't true. Uh, he didn't work for the Bismarck Police Department, but I said, Oh, he's in there. And the guy's like, Oh, well, go on in. So let me win there.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

Judy, there's another story I've got where I actually did get away. I shouldn't have gotten away with anything. There was no glow, there was no sniff, and it was working late night at Taco John's. I think it was my senior year in high school, and we started getting not freedom, but I think just the leash got loosened just a little bit on us. Well, I had a buddy of mine that would come by late at night at Taco John's, and this guy would say, Hey, why don't you make us some tacos? Let's go do some midnight bowling and you know, some drinking, and we did all of that. And but this wasn't midnight. This is like one or two in the morning. Yes. I made the tacos. We went up to the bowling alley. Can't remember if we actually bowled, but I remember us watching TV. Hey, Judy, it's three or four o'clock in the morning. This is not gonna go well. Why is Donnie getting home so late? When we came home late at night, if there was not the glow in the window, mom would hear you coming in. She'd ask, Who is that? What is that? And you'd have to you'd have to answer. So there was no really kind of sneaking in the house. Well, anyway, I get home at about four in the morning, and nobody's there. This is like another dairy queen. I think you guys are there. Mom and dad are not there. Hey, where is everybody? Our grandpa had uh taken a turn for the worse. He was in the hospital down at Bismarck, and mom and dad decided to make the drive down to Bismarck to be with them that night. And I don't know if that was his final night or if he died that weekend, or it was pretty close to the end. But Judy, a scenario where I get home at four o'clock in the morning, buzzed on a school night, and nobody's there to bust me. No glow, no sniff. Donnie's golden. So, well, do you think I'm gonna go to school the next that morning after getting home at four in the morning? To hell with that. I'm not going to school. I'm sleeping in. Well, it's about seven o'clock in the morning. And I probably had gone to bed about 4:30 or 5, so I'm about two hours in. About seven o'clock in the morning, all of a sudden I hear, Donnie, the phone's for you. And I'm like, phone's for me? It's seven o'clock in the morning. And I get on the phone, it's dad, what are you doing? I'm uh uh uh are you still in bed? Uh uh get your ass up. You're going to school. Get ready. And I'm like, uh, okay. So I had to get up on like two hours sleep and go to school. And it was one of those school days where I'm in photography class or whatever class, and I am just struggling to keep my eyes open because I was out all night partying with a schoolmate, and we were drinking till three or four o'clock in the morning.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

So I would go up there after work, similar to you, and I think it was kind of by your bowling alley that you went to. Yeah, we were having pizza, she was making drinks up there, life was good. And we never really got questioned too much in those middle of the night excursions. It was always more we got busted when there was uh a curfew. Totally random, fast forward for me for two minutes. I have to tell you this. This is when I was much older. I was actually living in a different city in Colorado. It's like one o'clock in the morning, and I'm driving home, and I I get pulled over. The cop's like, You've been drinking? And I'm like, No. And what's crazy is I wasn't drinking. And he goes, You haven't had anything to drink? I said, No. And then he asked me what I did, and he's like, Oh, so you went to college and you did this and that. And I'm like, Yep, not an idiot, you know, clown, let me go. So he's like, Well, I'm gonna have you do a roadside sobriety test. And I'm like, What? I have to do a sobriety test, I haven't been doing anything. He says, I want you to take nine steps forward, kind of heel to toe, nine steps back, heel to toe. I'm like, okay, I did that. And then he's like, Well, I want you to lean back, touch your nose. Which by the way, I had a friend one time that touched the cop's nose in that part. Didn't end well for her.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Never a good thing to touch the nose.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Don't be don't be touching the cop's nose. That's just stupid. But I have to remind me of something else funny. But I had a so I had to do this little thing and And you're leaning back and doing that. And then he says, I want you to do the alphabet. He goes, You know how to do the you know the alphabet? I'm like, Yeah, not an idiot. Went to college. So thought I was all in. And I said, How do I do? And he said, You failed everything. I said, What? I said, You're kidding. And um, he goes, I need you to do the breathalyzer. I do the breathalyzer and I blow a zero, zero, zero. You know, it's everything's goose eggs. So anyway, he looks at me. I said, What did I fail? Yeah, on the steps. He goes, Well, you did 10 forward, eight back. I'm like, still 18. Then I guess I had a sway uh when I was doing this. And then I forgot the W in the alphabet.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Judy, those field sobriety tests, I've never had to take one, but I hear that they're a little bit tricky and a little bit hard. Well, I'll own it, I was an idiot. Judy, I gotta tell you real quick about prom, my senior year, another drinking escapade. And I went to prom with uh, and again, we're not mentioning names. I think everybody knows who we're talking about. I dated her a little bit in high school, but went to prom with their senior year, and we went out, and everybody for some reason is excited about prom. Our parents, our parents, especially her dad, and I picked her up, she's got the prom dress on, and we actually drove to the outskirts of town somewhere, and we might have picked up your drink of choice, a little bit of TJ Swan, and had something to drink, or a slow ginfiz or whatever was kind of popular back in the day. We proceeded to drink a little bit too much while we're just parked out in the country. And that's all we were doing. We weren't being goofy or anything kind of weird beyond that, but we're just having a good time and maybe getting a little bit out of control. Well, while this is happening, everybody's at minute high at Magic City campus, waiting with their cameras to watch the grand entrance, the grand march. Mom and dad are there, dad's there with his camera, her dad's there, he's got his camera. We completely, completely miss the Grand March, which we didn't think it was that big of a deal. I didn't realize that mom and dad are gonna be like, oh, this is a great photo opportunity. Let's go down and get the kids. At prom, we're out on the outskirts of town, not being good kids, missing the grand march. And then I remember going back to mom and dad's house later, and her and I walked in, and it was still fairly early. I think it was like 8:30 or 9, and we're still gonna go over to prom. We just had missed the beginning part of prom, stopping by the house to say hi to the folks again while we're maybe a little bit buzzed, and then all of a sudden all hell breaks loose because dad and mom are furious about us having missed the Grand March. Yeah, that became like a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

And uh when you were out in the country, that wasn't why they invented the expression off like a prom dress.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

No, no. Remember, Judy, I had not been dad had not talked to me about the birds and the bees yet. You know, that came years ago. Yeah, there was no off with the prom dress. There might have been a little bit of TJ Swann or Slow Jen Fizz spilled on this prom dress, but that's it. This wasn't a Monica Lewinsky story.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Well, I'm gonna go back to Bismarck because I I have to say, it was kind of the time of my life where I I felt like an adult that I got to do all these things, even though I was 17. It's like I had freedom, I could go to the bars, I had a fake ID, I had a liquor store lined up right around the corner. But my favorite bar, I remember I would go in there all the time. I went in there all the time, underage, 17. So anyway, I'm in there, and again, like I mentioned earlier, the cops loved to raid bars and liquor stores and look for underage drinking. So anyway, I am in the bar and uh, you know, I have my head down for a second, and I look up and there's cops coming in every entrance. Like they're coming in from everywhere. And the first place they raid! Yes, yes. So your natural instinct is to kind of beeline it to the bathroom. Run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, that's my thing. Run. And I'm like, but there was no no place to go, not the bathroom. You can't run out the door. And I'm like, oh my God, what am I gonna do? And I actually think I was on probation for driving around with a keg in the back one other time. But anyway, the whole other story. But in this particular instance, I'm like, what am I gonna do? I can't get busted. So what do I do? I see a tray, I go start picking up drinks uh from people, empty glasses, 17, you know, because they're all like, hey, thanks for helping, whatever, you know, and I'm like, yeah, no problem. So the next weekend, I'm sitting at the bouncer station checking IDs.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Judy, you went from underage drinking, the cops are raiding the place, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. You pick up a tray, you pretend you're working there, and then the next week, you are working there.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

Except I wasn't getting paid, kind of like Kramer. Donnie, we're getting ready to wrap up season one. I'm super excited. And again, it's always a theme of chaos going on. That continues, and how we interpreted things sometimes with our dad being a cop and having that German mom. Mordecai.